Unhappiness aside, Part I.

It's like all over again.

The sun will always rise.
The sun will always set.
The wind will always blow.
The wind blows to a standstill.
The river will always flow.
The river flows to a standstill.
The grass will always grow.
The grass will wither.
The flowers will always bloom.
The flowers will wither.
The moon will always rise.
The moon will always set.

I'll cradle today, and rock tomorrow.

I had a laidback idling session at Anne's place just this afternoon. A long story behind how I eventually ended up at her house.
We were just sprawling all over the bed and entertaining ourselves with some videos. Perhaps we could try meditation some day. Haha.

Tomorrow would be one of a kind.

I thought I could just do without a title today. Funny how things evolve so fast you can't even catch your breath. Funny how we are never contented enough to make life an easy one. Funny how we take happiness for granted, but unhappiness, forever.

Funny how my much anticipated holidays are here, but I wish I had school. My bed doesn't feel as comfortable now that I can wake up to no alarm. The feeling of lying on my sides with my hand tucked under my pillow seems too familiar to be reassuring. Funny how beds can toy with your feelings too.

Offer sufferings.

Have you gotten used to life yet?
You were afraid of that feeling, but now, you are afraid of losing it.

Isaac Newton.

So history was rewritten. Albert Einstein got hit by a falling apple when he was under a tree.

Dreams are opposite of reality.

"He was your favourite person, and you were his favourite person."
"What about now?"
"You are still his favourite person."

"You are still my favourite person too."

Hearts and tangerines.

What is Valentine's Day?

You name it.

It has always been the same, hasn't it? All the shit, and the shit. We walk our own life? Baloney. We can walk through walls and do whatever we want, but we have no reign over those shit happenings that are caving in. So is it at all, a blessing for us to be human beings? Would I be better off as a..
I. A piece of metal
II. An organ
III. A ball of yarn
IV. A speck of dust

Or perhaps something people would admire, like..
I. A twinkle star
II. A commercial plane
III. A carousel
IV. The moon

Wandering aimlessly.

I questioned my purpose in writing this entry. I have my answer. I suppose I just needed a space for my endless throng of thoughts. Of course it isn't deemed possible, for I can't even comprehend many of my scads of thoughts.

Please stop doing all these to me. What with history repeating itself and the exposure to harsh reality. Should I continue letting everything upset me, affect me, negativity will never cease controlling my life. But we are all human beings, beings with feelings, beings who can feel. Is this even legal?

Soaring high up in the sky.

As much as I would love to share with you the captivating sight appearing right before my eyes, I know I cannot do so all too often.

The same different thing we both love.

I don't own a good camera, so this is the best I could do. The pictures don't even do justice to the spectacular sight.

We both saw it. We both did.

09 January 2010.

You made me impossible.

It is during nights like this when something tells me to stay awake just a little longer.

07 January 2010.

Nothing changes the fact that you are my dad.

Truth be told, I am dedicating this post to my dad and I am pretty much in shock that I actually intended to do so. This whole big little thing came about when I was thinking about my dad just moments before. Tears were dancing behind my eyelids and yeah, it caught me by surprise.

I don't know what is your definition of a good father. I don't know what is the definition that is accepted across borders and continents. But I know he is a nice father, or at least to me. He wasn't all that nice in the past, though. He would usually be the one brandishing the cane. My mum, hardly ever, but she still did. Kids these days are probably so sheltered and pampered that the only canes they know are sugarcane, candy cane, and perhaps Willy Wonka's stick.

Anyhow, I know my dad is trying hard to give my brother and I all he can. It can never be easy to raise a family with only a pair of hands. I should be proud of him :)


PS Time to prepare for school!

I should know, I know.

Black
Red
Gold
Grey

Too good to be true.

Funny how things seemed to have gone my way yesterday. I was inspired and motivated to feel happy all day, and I guess I did it. But this short-lived happiness has seemingly expired.

Bee-Tee-DoubleU, I need to sleep less.

Wherever you are.

My mind isn't set at ease. I wouldn't feel safe turning in for the night now.
I wish to do without the feeling that will always come back to me when I get up in the morning on a weekend. I will do so much better.

Thought I reached the end.

What I fear most has already happened. What the worst is has already happened. I thought things could only get better after the worst, but I thought wrong. I am still in search of a way to make myself feel better, but my efforts are futile.

Has it been long? It felt like it. A bed of memories, more than you can imagine. More than what I thought I would have long forgotten most of it, but everything stays. It is magical yet devastating. What do you remember then?

I have so much running through my head, but only so little is being expressed. I am only capable of this much.


Life is difficult, and so are we.

You are.

I want him to fly a kite with me.
I want him to be by my side under a blanket of stars.
I want him to be mesmerised by the moon as much as I do.
I want him to watch the planes fly across the sky with me.

But who is he?
And where is he?

I want us to understand life together.

05 January 2010.

04 January 2010.